money

money's always problem, isn't it?
i desperately want new clothes.
i need winter clothes, and i think i have a shoe fetish now.
oh dear.

pretty

All Time Low

You say the girl’s a whore I say The Girl’s A Straight-Up Hustler. You say we’re chasing tigers I say we’re Running From Lions. You say it’s your first flight away I say it’s my Last Flight Home. You say San Francisco I say Vegas. You say the park I say the Beach. You say spring We Say Summer. You say we copied I say This Is How We Do. You say you can’t remember Friday I say I’m Remembering Sunday all too well. You say everyone leave I say Come One, Come All. You say you like the dark I say Light The Way. You say something’s heavy I say it’s Weightless. You say Iris, Roxanne, Candy, and Delilah I say Maria, Holly, Stella, and Jasey Rae. You say bedtime stories I say Lullabies. You say we drink Coke I say we start Poppin’ Champagne. You say stand up I say We All Fall Down. You like to draw hearts I like to draw Circles. You say Nick, Joe and Kevin I say Alex, Jack, Rian, Zack. You say Let it Rock I say Let It Roll. You say go to sleep I say Stay Awake. You say fearless I say Shameless. You say Alex Evans I say Alex Gaskarth. You say Jack Black I say Jack Barakat. You say Ryan Shcekler I say Rian Dawson. You say Zac Efron I say Zack Merrick. You say you forgot your lines I say Three Words To Remember When Dealing With The End. You start complaining I say Put Up or Shut Up. You say I’m mean I say Fuck You, It’s Nothing Personal. You say I’m obsessed I say I’m a good fan:x: REBLOG if you agree!

summer.

summer. it never lasts long enough for me. there's so much i want to do, but never enough time. but i guess i have to suck it up and deal with that and try to make the best with what i can.
anyways, i haven't posted in so long, it's felt like forever.
i guess a lot has happened, but it doesn't seem like much.
I went away on vacation with my parents to British Columbia and Alberta (it's in Canada for those of you who don't know where that is). it was beautiful and stunning. the Rockies are so incredible. even though they're just mounds of rock, they still are humbling to me.
nature does that to me, i find. i get so caught up in city life all the time that when i go out into nature, like that trip, or camping, or just for a walk in my neighbourhood, or go to the beach, nature always astounds me and takes my breath away with it's beauty. sometimes i wish i could just drop everything and go live in nature for a while, like the book/movie "into the wild". if you haven't heard of it, it's fantastic, and sad. i watched the movie and it made me cry, but it was a great movie. i recommend it. i hear the book is better.
anyways, my summer. I worked. i went to the beach a few times. I tried to fix familial bonds. i didn't hang out with my friends too much, i don't know if that's good or bad. but i don't regret it.
yeah, i didn't do too much, but i enjoyed it, and i'm glad that the weather has been beautiful here.
um, i'm not that interesting so i'll end this post here.

it has been too long.

hw

"Be Unforgettable." - Hayley Williams

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." - Frederick Douglass

"Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures." - Jessamyn West

"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." - George S. Patton

"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life." - Charles Darwin

"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." - William James

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - Buddha

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

"Every man dies. Not every man truly lives." - William Wallace

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't." - Richard Bach

"I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it iches." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." - John Burroughs

"It is cruel, you know, that music should be so beautiful. It has the beauty of loneliness of pain: of strength and freedom. The beauty of disappointment and never-satisfied love. The cruel beauty of nature and everlasting beauty of monotony." - Benjamin Britten

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." - Victor Hugo

"Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music." - Jimi Hendrix

"Music can change the world because it can change people." - Bono

thepast

"i sing songs about the past, how i was raised and i was thrown out on my ass 'cause i didn't care about going to school. and i saw the look in her eyes, my mother nearly cried when i told her that i wanted to go just to prove them wrong. i've been smoking cigarettes since i was only fourteen just to find an escape from this town that was so mean to me." the past - nevershoutnever
before i begin, if you haven't heard of nevershoutnever or christofer drew, or you don't like him, shut up and go check him out, he's amazing and has so much talent. don't judge because of his voice, listen to what he has to say. for example, go on youtube and visit his channel "nevershoutneverblogs" and listen to sellout.

now, back to blogging.

when asked if they could go back in time to fix past mistakes, almost every single person i know would do it. but i wouldn't. i really wouldn't.
i find that i used to regret things i did so badly that i would cry about it, that's how bad the regret was. but as i've gotten older, as i've come to terms with me and accepting myself for who i am, i've come to the belief of having no regrets because where does regret get you?
that's right, NOWHERE. except in the past where people really shouldn't dwell because you can't change the past, you can only live in the moment and change the future.
regret, for me, is a waste of time. if you don't like what you did in the past, get over it, learn from it and move on, and don't repeat it.
i find that most things in life are unfair, it's true. but you learn to deal with the cards life hands you and make something of them and make them work for you.
when you were little, i'm sure you had a balloon that your parents or somebody gave you and you held onto that balloon because, hell, you were NOT letting it go. it was precious. a lot of memories and moments are like that balloon; a small gift and pleasant and precious. but then by accident, the balloon pops, and the memory is ruined. or you let go of the balloon and you cry and cry as you watch it float away, knowing you can do nothing to save it, just like watching people self-destruct or good times or friends drift apart and away. it's sad.
but you learn to accept the fact that the balloon is going away and not coming back, or you learn to jump and try your damndest to stop it from leaving you.
i've done both. i think.
but most times, i find letting things going is harder to do but it can be more beneficial.
although, fighting can be so hard, and it can be a sign of denial, but it can be so worth it.
i don't mean to be a downer, but sometimes i just need to say these things.
anyways, these are some of my thoughts, i like them, i'm happy with them and me, and that's more than i can say for a lot of people.
so learn to let go.
live.love.break.learn.accept.move on.

theburiedlife.

"But often, in the world's most crowded streets,

But often, in the din of strife,

There rises an unspeakable desire

After the knowledge of our buried life;

A thirst to spend our fire and restless force

In tracking out our true, original course;

A longing to inquire

Into the mystery of this heart which beats

So wild, so deep in us--to know

Whence our lives come and where they go." - The Buried Life by Matthew Arnold

vacation. you go away somewhere, just for a little, or a long while, and you try to forget everything back at home.
you try to escape from reality.

i do.

so you go away, and you drive, or fly, or take a train, and you get there and think, "this is going to be awesome!" and sometimes it is.
you have fun, and you enjoy yourself.
and then, at the end of the trip, when you drive, or fly or take the train home, reality slowly creeps in and seeps deep back into your consciousness and you just want to escape again.
that happens all too much for me.
someday, i'm going to travel to places far away and stay there until i find that it's time for me to come home.
i want to travel to africa, and india, and england, and spain, and switzerland, and australia, and japan, and new zealand, and ireland. i want to travel the world.
i want to experience new things, and finally, finally, live my life.
i want to feel things, for once,
i'm so used to being numb anymore, that i haven't felt ALIVE in so long and it's sad.
it's a tragedy. it really is.
there are so many people in the world who go their whole lives without LIVING. being alive does not mean that you are living.
i want to feel intense emotions. i want to love and be loved and live and feel alive.

the buried life (the show and the poem) made me realize that there is so much out there and that if you sit back and stare at it, it won't come to you. you really do need to jump out there and grab it! go after what you want. and help people along the way.

that throughout life, through the routines and monotonous daily lives, we forget that life is meant to be lived, and not tolerated.

people go through their lives living for themselves, for financial gain and personal conquests but that doesn't get you anywhere.
selfish living may suit you for a while, but you get sick of it. it makes you sick.

if you haven't heard of the buried life. you really need to go watch it. www.theburiedlife.com/blog/
go to the mtv websites and watch the show, it makes me cry, every episode. or it's on itunes.
they are amazing people.
so, make a list of things you want to do before you die, and go and accomplish every list item, one by one, and try to help people along the way.
it's satisfying and makes you feel.

do it with the people you love and you'll accomplish that much more.
hell, you might even play basketball with the president.

life.

"this town used to be a pretty place to stay / a place you'd stop off on the highway / but all of those things changed on the day / you packed up your bags and you ran away." - r.i.p. by 3OH!3

sometimes life is worth living, don't you think?
i do. i think life is worth living.
but, sometimes it's not.
life can be so hard most times, but i believe that you have to stick it out and pull through because all of us are strong.
we are strong.
even those who think that they cannot go on, those you don't make it through. they are strong.
i don't think that they are weak or cowards. i think that they just needed someone to be there for them. someone to pull them back from the edge.
i know i used to think about jumping off the edge, but i pulled myself back and realized that life is worth living.
i think you should think that it is too.

love.

myfirsttime

"It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge. - voltaire"

so it's my first time with a blog. my blog-virginity is now gone! hooray! let's see how long i can keep this going before i forget about it. i got the idea from my best friend over at http://jessi-redmond.blogspot.com . she's amazing. you should read her blog, her life's interesting and complicated, unlike mine.

anyways, here goes.
it's summer now, july, warm, sunny (for the most part), is it wrong to expect a lot from summer?

in books and in magazines you read about "THE PERFECT SUMMER" so during the winter, you're all excited for summer to roll around so you can finally experience this "perfect summer" that everyone's talking about. then when summer slowly creeps in, you're like "okay, hit me!" thinking that it will just happen. that you'll have a perfect sunny beachy summer with lots of tanned muscular guys clawing for your attention and that you'll have a blast. just SO. MUCH. FUN.
yeah, sorry, in my experience, it doesn't work that way. i'm lucky if i can get to the beach twice a month, and hell, boys definitely aren't falling over themselves for me (lol, i wish). in life, it doesn't come to you, you have to go and get it. but you can hope, right?

"you can't be too careful anymore, when all that is waiting for you won't come any closer, you've got to reach out a little more." - paramore

that doesn't just apply to summer, it pretty much applies to everything in life. i know you most likely already know this, but hell, i'm a little behind in life experience points. for me, i always used to wait around and hope that things would fall in my lap and my life would be perfect. but through some self-realization, i've come to terms with the fact that i have to go out and get things and earn things myself.

okay. enough ramblings, i guess i'm done for now.
peace.love.ingle.